Food is consuming my life.....I dont think its cause im pregnant im actually pretty freaking sure its because im like semi depressed and im eating for the comfort?
It fucking sucks....like really sucks....I haven't updated in so long because ive been too busy stuffing my face with fatty goodness dealing with school, being pregnant, and my oh so lovely boyfriend....said with sarcasm.
Well he was lovely but now hes blehh!
He wants to keep our little babybean then he doesnt then he does then he doesnt.
He finally found a place, and were moving in soon, soon being about two weeks.
Im super stoked, But its really far....Its all the way in MI hes transferring to a CC so that he can save money, which upsets me because his education is really important.
Chris's parents have been amazing through all of this though!
My parents ughhh not so much i haven't gotten one call from them since my dad dropped me off in a parking lot then left without a goodbye...
As im typing this im eating pizza, fml.
But on a better note... Babybean is good :)
We're impatiently waiting to find out the sex!
And im impatiently waiting to get back into my old pants...Ive gained 4.5 pounds already.
The baby probably doesnt even weigh and ounce yet....boo me.
My friends and the whole school all know im pregnant....Well not the "whole" school but you know what i mean.
The stares i get from people are great.....Once again sarcasm.
Ive given up on jeans, and now own about 9 pairs of yoga pants.
I feel so depressed its not even funny, i dont even have the energy to get out of bed and go to school.
Im probably on the verge of being kicked out...I didnt go for like 2 weeks and then i showed up on Monday but then skipped class and went home because i didnt feel like being around happy, non fat, non pregnant, non yoga wearing pant girls...And dont even get me started on the guys.
Another thing i realized is you definitely find out who your real friends are once you become pregnant.
 Once my group of friends that i used to hang out with like everyday found out i was pregnant they dropped me just like that...They have all been avoiding me and most of them removed me from their facebook.
But ill update later, i have to pee like theres no tomorrow

Broken Hearted for the Better.

Today my heart broke.
Not because of Chris or anything, because actually packing and leaving my house was awful for me.
Saying my last goodbyes to my bedroom and my little dog Leila, I felt like i was going to pass out.
My mom didn't even say good bye, she still hasn't said anything to me, she simply waved her hand at me while i was walking down the stairs with my last bag, i just wanted to scream at her.
 The least she could do would be to tell me goodbye....or i love you?
Something to reassure me that she doesn't want to kill me....
As i got into the car i saw my crying dad quickly get out and go into the house for a minute, he came back out trying to hold his tears in...I knew he had went in because he didn't want me to see him cry.
But seeing someone so close to me crying, makes me want to cry.
My dad and i weren't really even that "close" but i guess what we have/had still makes us close.


I'm now for the time being going to live in Marin County CA its about 7 hours away from where i "used" to live. My dad dropped me off half way there so that Chris's parents (Daphne & Brad)

could come and pick me up, they were there waiting when we pulled in the parking lot we put all of my stuff into their car and well away we went.

My dad just drove off while we were putting the last bag in, i really wanted to give him a hug but i guess he just wanted to go home.

I miss home a lot, i mean its great here its wonderful

Brad is so so nice, and Daphne is such a caring mother.

Its not awkward at all, i have my own room with a bathroom and i am welcome to anything lmao so this means i don't have to worry about buying my own food...

They have a little puppy name Jolie but she doesn't like me very much lol.

But i better start unpacking and then get ready for bed, I'll update tomorrow.

xox

Kelsey

Home....is not where the heart is..

Well im home!
But this is no longer my home, my mother STILL has not talked to me infact shes being immature and telling my dad to tell me her thoughts and shit.
The trip was ended soon, i guess my mother told my dad i had ruined this trip.
Thats not what bothers me though, its the fact that she couldnt even tell me that she didnt want me living there herself, she made my dad do it.
Which was extremely hard to watch he cried, i cried needless to say i am all out of kleenex.
My boyfriend talked to his parents whom i am slightly close too, (thank god)
And they are disgusted with my parents choice to kick me out, and are willing to help me get back on my feet.
Their letting me live with them while Chris finds a place for us, they didnt like the idea of me living with all of Chris's roomates.

Im so thankful for them, and i dont know how i am ever going to repay them!
But im kind of scared its going to be awkward... ?
Do i buy my own food?
Do i eat breakfast and what not with them?
If i have to buy my own food where do i put it?
Do i have to buy a mini fridge?
I love that all the things i listed are about food.....
 
His parents are very nice, and supportive but im worried about all these things and what not i dont want to live there and be nervous all the time or uncomfortable but i guess ill take what i can get.
I really am so thankful for what they are doing for me, for us.
So i guess ill just have to wait and see how things go.

I still have an awful headache, its making me sick and i don't know what im allowed to take and what i am not allowed to take, im 9 weeks now YIPEEEE.

But i need to start unpacking my things from the trip, and repacking for the move.


xox
Kelsey

I dont have a title for this one... :)

Blaah, i cant seem to get rid of this morning sickness. I'm not even sure if it s morning sickness anymore because it lasts ALL DAY LONG. I think it might be from stress and worrying about things seeming i have quite a bit on my plate right now.

My mom still has not said one single word to me, she really hasnt even looked at me. I can tell shes dissapointed but what the hell does she expect me to do? I've listened to my parents all of my life.
I have never once smoked a cigarette or anything for that matter, as a child i wasn't allowed to sleep over at anyone's house they had to sleep at mine, this happened right up until i was 16...When i was seventeen i still had a curfew... The list could go on.
I had to break a rule someday! And i guess this counts as that rule.

But i think its going to be worth it, babies are just so damn cute!
But i know its A LOT OF HARD WORK.
My cousin has a baby and i volunteered to get up with her through the night one time, it was insane, i had to change her diaper like 3 times, and one time i was so tired that i accidentally put the dirty diaper right back on her i didnt even notice until i picked her up and her but was all smooshy lol
Now im just thinking about doing that every single night, but im a pretty determined and stuborn person like i said, i dont give up easily.

Were going home tomorrow. But home may no longer be home for me, my parents still haven't said anything about it yet. And i really dont want to ask.... But i may have to so i can make sure i have a place to stay when i get home. I kinda think they'll let me stay but i don't know I've learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to them.

All last night i kept tossing and turning i couldn't sleep, definitely because im so anxious and overwhelmed about everything, but im leaving it in gods hands.



xox
Kelsey

Coming Around

Today i woke up and i was packed and ready to leave i had called around and gotten a hotel near by and was going to take a 40$ cab ride there, that was practically all of my money, i was pissed but that was all i had. My dad came into my room and apologized. He gave me this heart melting story and the normal im sorry i shouldn't have said that speech, but i was still so hurt that not even sorry made me forgive him.  (im a pretty stuborn person) but this time i dont think it was stuborness that didnt want me to forgive him, i think it was the fact that i was truely hurt, the fact that they were pretty much going to strand me here in Canada.
What parents do that to their child???!
Clearly mine were going too, i told my dad i forgave him but in all honesty i really dont.
I think its going to take me a while. My dad told me that i could keep my car, and that they were going to take my back with them....(well obviously i mean they would have got in shit if they left me here.)
As for my mom, we didn't talk all day she just ignored me.
Which hurt a lot, but i guess its whatever, my dad tried talking to her about it so he says.
I was sick all day today once again, but now along with being sick i have this massive fucking headache thats killing me. And i have no clue how to get rid of it.
As for Chris he told his mom and shes actually excited!
He said she was extreamly excited and cant wait to find out what the gender is, this is such a big relief for me.
Now i know ill have some type of support with Chris's mom and my dad and of course my friends, once i let them all know. Im thinking about just going through my facebook and deleting all the people i dont talk to or dont know. Then putting up an ultra sound picture, but im kind of nervous so i think im going to wait.
But just knowing that Chris's mom is excited made me feel so much better about this like soo sooo much better.

Chris is still looking for an apartment or a small house, as for my living situation i dont know where ill be once i go back home. My dad hasnt said anything about that.
And as for it being the worst birthday ever, my dad gave me a late birthday gift privately after we had our big sappy conversation. It was a little tiny gold bracelet,  and by tiny i mean for my baby when he/she comes out.
It was really sweet, and it shows me that my dad is actually excited though he may not jump up and down or show it to much, i know he is excited.
One of the things my dad also mentioned to me was, that since i have diabetes (i was born with it)
I could be a high risk pregnancy or something like that?
Im going for another doctors appointment in two weeks, so hopefully we can sort things out then i just want my little bug to be healthy and safe.
I signed up for this site called Baby Center and though there may be a lot of drama, there is also a lot of support so if your a pregnant teen reading this i suggest you sign up, http://www.babycenter.com .

But thats all for now, im about to go take a long hot bath yaaayy!


xox
Kelsey

Kicked out...

Well the title says it all i told my parents today, after being home sick for two weeks from this damn pregnancy my parents started to get suspicious when they tried to take me to the hospital but i didn't want to go. So i broke down and told them, my mother slapped me across the face. She actually hit me, i was shocked then my father told me i had twenty four hours to get in his exact words "the fuck out of this house".
They both said they were ashamed to have me as a daughter and my mother called me a whore. Their also telling me they are going to take away my car. I knew this would happen, but i had some little hope somewhere in me that they would be not so bad about it. I had decided to tell them that day because maybe they wouldn't be so hard on me seeming it was almost my birthday and all. But it did not turn out how i had hoped it would.
I haven't got a clue on the first thing about being homeless. My boyfriend said i can stay there with him and his roomies but i really don't want too, their all so loud and obnoxious.
And i only have whats left in my bank account, i don't have a job...yet. I'm completely shattered. I have no clue what i am going to do, im flustered and trying to pack all of my things as quick as i can, i want to get out of here.
My house sitter is gone (shes off for the week) so my mom would cook when shes not there, instead she cooked MY FAVORITE MEAL for just her and my dad.
And told me not to touch the food in the fridge because its not mine. I'm absolutely starving i found a bag of chips in my room and Ive been eating them, but right now im waiting for my parents to fall asleep so i can go stuff my face....ah fml

xox
Kelsey

Get me out of here!

Today i finally built up the courage to tell my parents about being pregnant, i had prepared what i was going to say and how i was going to act and i thought about all of the things they could do or say. I felt ready i knew if i kept waiting it would only get harder to tell them....So i put my big girl pants on and walked downstairs to the kitchen to where my mother was making lunch, we started off with the casual hey how are you type of thing then all the sudden i realized our kitchen tv had the show Teen Mom on. Why in the world was my mother watching this show, i was silent for a moment after i had realized what was on the tv then all the sudden my mom said  
“I just feel so bad for those girls, its a shame they haven't even finished their teenage years and their already having kids, im so glad your not one of them.“
I felt like my chest was going to fall out my ass at that very moment, i started to shake and i couldn't seem to breathe properly... i just shook my head and replied with “yes lucky me.“
I walked right back up stairs and went straight to my room, the courage was completley gone.
I had no idea what to say after that, i wanted to cry and tell her everything but i knew i couldn't not right there after what she had just said she seemed so disgusted with those girls. The last thing i needed at this moment in my life was for my mom to think of me as a slut or something.
I don't believe in abortion personally, so i knew i was going to keep this baby.
But now i have to think about who`s going to “keep“ me once i tell my parents. I know for a fact they will not want me living with them, i live in North Hollywood my dad has worked with all sorts of stars and my mom owns some clothing stores here, having a 17 year old daughter who`s pregnant doesn't exactly fit in with their life style. Chris still hasn't told his parents either! Hes still searching for a place but what are his parents going to think when they find out their paying for a two bedroom their going to be suspicious hopefully they`ll know by then i mean im not exactly  a size 0 anymore...
Well its pretty late here, and im exhausted not physically but emotionally i don't even want to continue with school i feel like i just want to give up on life.

xox
Kelsey

How It All Started

My names Kelsey i'm your average high school senior, i won most popular in sophomore year and i live for the weekends. I live in North Hollywood and my life is a constant party, I've always been a social person and i've never had to share anything....But thats all about to change because i'm pregnant.
It all started in December 2010 when my boyfriend Chris and I had started to get into it, and by into it i mean sex. Things were heating up and before you knew it we did it right then and there, without a condom. We tried not to worry to much because well it was our first time having sex without a condom so maybe we'd get lucky....Well you know what they say first times a charm. About three weeks later i realized i still hadn't gotten my period but i honestly didn't even care i was like "woo hoo" no period until i remembered we had unprotected sex. Immediately i felt my heart drop i thought i was going to pass out, after i calmed myself down by doing some deep breathing i called up Chris and told him to come over but to do me a favor on his way over and pick up a pregnancy test..He was at my door within the hour.

Right away i grabbed the bag out of his hand and ran into the washroom.
I could hardly contain myself i didn't know whether to be happy or to cry hysterically, or maybe do both.
I came out of the washroom and Chris looked at me, i didnt even need to say anything for him to know the test was POSITIVE. He gave me the most uncomfortable look i have ever gotten, i didn't know what to say.
Apparently neither did he, we sat in my bedroom for about 20 minutes before either of us said one word.
Finally he looked at me and said "we can do it" at that moment i thought he was kidding i could never imagine him or even myself as a parent at our age.
What were we going to tell our parents?!
Tears immediately came streaming down my face, right then and there i knew my life was going to change.
I knew it was time to grow up.

xox
Kelsey